Who comes first?

Caitlin reads a blog by Meg Keene who started her blog while preparing for her wedding and has continued to write as “a reclaiming wife.”  Meg recently had a post where she talks about the need to put ourselves first in our married relationships, dwelling on the statement that we can be a better spouse if we take care of ourselves first.  I don’t necessarily disagree with this approach, time by ourselves and fulfilling our own needs and desires is important even in such close and intimate relationships.  However, Meg’s post dwells on this need in reaction to the stereo-type that wife-hood involves selflessness and if a wife becomes too consumed in this selflessness she will forget to take care of herself.  My initial reaction is to recognize a problem here, that selflessness is part of any marriage and communal life-style.  There are daily decisions that we have to thoughtfully and intentionally make with ourselves AND those around us in mind.  Therefore, yes wife-hood involves selflessness but so does husband-hood.  Part of that selflessness is acknowledging the needs of our spouse and putting our own needs aside for a moment.  If Caitlin needs some alone time and I want to do something together, it can be more important for me to be selfless and put my desires aside so that she has some time to herself before we spend some time together.  There’s an element of compromise that goes together with selflessness and both are integral to the commitment that marriage entails.  Check out Meg’s post and see what you think for yourself.

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2 Responses to Who comes first?

  1. Jenna says:

    Some wise person (whose name I cannot remember, only that they were wise) once told me that marriage is about putting your needs on the same level as your spouses’ needs. Neither is more important that the other. Rather, both persons’ needs are weighted equally in all situations.

    Seeing as I am not married, nor in a serious relationship, I cannot offer personal experience. But this seems like a good balance between caring for oneself and caring for your spouse.

  2. ashleymarie6 says:

    I think that it’s a common idea that women put others first – and if I were a man, I’d find this rather sexist – since it’s insinuating that men are more selfish than women. But, that’s beside the point.

    (Neat blog you’ve got here! Can’t wait to see more from you guys.)

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